Although, my family is not celebrating Christmas for a few days, I find myself reflecting on my Christmases past. Growing up, a large Christmas event on Christmas Eve was always the highlight of my season, as any large family get-together always has been. As an adult, I was not really a fan of the Christmas season.
Looking back nine year ago to 2006 (my first Christmas as a real adult), I recall spending the holiday alone as my ex was deployed and having an older friend buy me beer at a 7/11 so I could sit a home and drink alone. It was possibly the most depressing holiday I have personally experienced.
The following few years brough more family into my life as I spend the next several Christmases in Quincy with my family. Although, outside of those celebration, my holiday spirit was non-existant at home. In 2010, I decorated and put up a tree for Morgan's first Christmas and adopted the motto of "fake it til you make it" regarding Christmas cheer.
Although I was happy to give presents to my daughter and see how much she liked Christmas decoration, lights and seeing Santa, I was still just doing it for her each year and found no joy in the holiday myself.
That is until about three years ago. Riley was not concieved and Morgan was just over 2. It was our first Christmas with Shain and it was like a light had gone on inside. I found a new joy in Morgan's joy and excited. I loved seeing Shain anxious to give Morgan and I the gifts he had picked out and seeing him put lights up outside our duplex. I wasn't with my large family that I adore, but I had this amazing feeling of completeness in our small home with our family of three that I had never felt before.
Now each year, I get more excited about the holidays and the great things I can teach my children about the season. This year Morgan is learning about Jesus and giving and appreciation for what you recieve, no matter what it is. I'm excited to turn on our tree each day and to see the "Merry Christmas" sign on my door. It took me quite a long time, but I think I finally found my personal reason for the season and love being able to be surrounded by my amazing kids and wonderful husband each year (even if none of our other family can be with us).
So Merry Christmas to everyone and congrats if you made it through my rambling.
