It didn't take long for my life to go awry. I have kept my faith in God steadfast throughout, but I can't claim that I was living anywhere near His image nor was any kind of good Christian. I was a typical teen with typical teen problems and mistakes... but then I was an atypical teen at the same time. In the years of my remaining teens and early adulthood were filled with lies, deceit, unplanned pregnancy, infidelity and so much more that leaves me being thankful that my God already knows all my mistakes so I don't have to hash them all out here.
Before I continue, I have to say that I am very far from proud of the following story. I am telling it in it's honesty because I know that it has to be told that way. A lot of people were hurt during this time and I don't want to reopen any wounds. My goal is to complete the healing process for all involved and to put my own testimony of the power of Our God into words.
Several years ago I was married to a man whom I had known for a very long time. We were unhappy for a lot of reasons for a very long time. About the time that we had decided to through in the towel on our marriage, we were blessed with the news that we were finally expecting a baby together: something we had both wanted. As in many stories, we took this as a sign to work harder on things and choose to stay married and raise our daughter together.
Many can guess, but the child did not make things better. Our marriage stayed unhappy and turned toxic and hurtful on both sides. It was a nightmare that I still can't believe I lived through. I spent many days wondering how to come out of this awful relationship without losing my daughter. I didn't see a way for the man was adamant that if I left, he would be keeping our only child from me. That was not a risk I was willing to take and he knew it.
Around the time that our precious little girl turned two years old, her father left the country with the military on a six-month deployment. A few weeks later found me on the phone with a dear friend having a familiar-to-me conversation: How could I leave and still keep my child? Now was the easiest time, but how does this all work out? What does my life look like if I just take off before he comes back home?
That friend was my biggest spiritual compass during all the worst years of my life. She said to me, "I know you have prayed about this and I have prayed for you so much. But have you truly handed this situation over to Him and let Him do His Will?" I was so confused by her question.
"What do you mean? God can't put money in my private savings account and find me a place to live and ensure me full custody of my daughter? I have asked Him for His help and so far there has been a lot of radio silence! I have to figure this out..."
My ever-patient friend sighed and told me again, "You have to let go of this. You cannot control something this big. It is already in His plan. Say your prayers and tell Him that you will do as he sees fit, whatever it may be and just wait for the solutions to come to you. Stop thinking about it and wait."
Not gong to lie, I thought she had lost her mind a bit. But after four years in an unhealthy situation, I was ready to try anything. So that night after putting my darling daughter to bed, I had a chat with my God. I told him that I had tried everything I could, but I no longer knew what to do that. I told Him that keeping my daughter was the single most important thing in my life and that everything else could be sacrificed, but not her. I told Him that I would hand over control to Him and trust that he would show me the path meant for me. Then I went to sleep with a heart full of hope.
The very next afternoon, less than 24 hours later, my husband calls me from the country he is in. I was out at the grocery store and we had a terrible connection--which wasn't unusual. There were a lot of things sad on his end that I didn't hear at all and other things I couldn't decode through the static and blank spots. To this day, I still don't know what else was said because I have never asked. Here is what I do know...
The conversation started with a lot of interference and the first thing I could understand was "I think we should get a divorce." My heart froze, unsure what to think. This is what I wanted, but what would that mean for my child and me if I agreed? I told him I didn't understand since we had just started hours earlier and everything was fine (well our version of fine). His explanations and reasoning was completely lost over the oceans that separated us and they will remain there.
The other parts of the call that got through clearly were that he was willing to give me full custody so our daughter could live with me because he knows I am wonderful mother (something he had never before said to me) and that we would split up all property equally. We ended the terribly-connected call with plans to talk later the next day and I was just utterly shocked.
I honestly have no idea what happened to spark this change in my ex-husband, but it came immediately after my vow to let God take the reigns and steer my life down the best path for me. I have never asked the ex why he finally was willing to let me have our daughter and end a very miserable four-year marriage. I won't ever ask him either, because I don't need to. I know, with zero doubts, that God put the whole thing into play just for me.
Today, I have two other children with my now-husband and I can't even begin to describe how happy and fulfilled I am. My daughter's father is still in her life and they talk and visit often which makes me happy for her. My ex and I have a relationship based on our mutual love for our daughter and so things are generally pretty amicable between us. The life I have today is the life that I thought I would never be allowed to have; the kind of life that I felt God just simply left out of His divine plan for me,
So that's my story about how My God took me out of the most awful situation of my life the moment I relinquished control. It is my testimony and will always be my reminder that He has a plan for us all and it is far greater than any of us could ever have guessed.
